This one, as the title suggests, will be brief. I met him in a pub the night I discovered that the DJ was "hygenically challeged". He had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen! We exchanged numbers and met soon.
The first date, was a romantic picnic in the park where we cuddled and kissed. I discovered he was beautiful and charming and his eyes crinkled perfectly when he smiled but that he wasn't the brightest tool in the box.
The second date, I went round to his house, where we watched "Groundhog day"... which I had not seen. About half way though he turned to me and with the excitemet of a small child who had figured someting out and announced "do you see why its called Groundhog Day?".I decided that the ony way to shut him up was to kiss him and it all went from there. And WOW!!! very well eqipped and an expert toolsman, I experienced a very enjoyable evening and morning after! Delightful.
A week later, after a couple of phone calls, he disappeared! No excuses, just a distinct absense. I felt a bit used until C pointed out that he may have responded to my facebook friend request at the same time as a comment about his large manhood compensating for his weak academic ability on my status. ... Hm, he possibly would't have liked that.
Either way, a line drawn beneath as "brief but fun."
Monday 30 August 2010
Monday 9 August 2010
The DJ
Sorry about the delay in writing. I was ill and then somewhat happy... but now I am single and bitter again so here is the next entry...!
Next, was the DJ. I was at the wedding of a friend of mine so, of course, under the influence of booze, I poured my heart out about my singledom and Rodney the hairy slug. So a complete stranger decided to set me up with her friend, DJ pants (better than DJ Bollocks -she assured me- who is also single, if you're interested).
So DJ and I went for dinner. Looks-wise, not my usual type but after a hairy slug, the only way is up really! Very clever, very funny... let's see what happens...
It wasn't a wirlwind of passion and fire, and in fact it was probably another several weeks before I saw him again. I got drunk in a pub (incidentally where I met the next blog update) and staggered to his place.
When I got there I felt immediately that this wasn't quite right... so in fact I used my drukeness as an excuse for some half-hearted heavy petting to result in goig straight to sleep! I woke up the next morning to a perfectly pleasant man, albeit one who seemed non-plussed when I emerged from his bathroom giggling at a bottle of mouth wash called "retadex!... RETARD-ex!
I saw him once more and got a little further than heavy petting... but not far. unfortunately, though his dental care was an all time high, his personal hygene seemed perhaps not so much. yes, he had a smelly penis!
Case closed and on to the next frog...
Next, was the DJ. I was at the wedding of a friend of mine so, of course, under the influence of booze, I poured my heart out about my singledom and Rodney the hairy slug. So a complete stranger decided to set me up with her friend, DJ pants (better than DJ Bollocks -she assured me- who is also single, if you're interested).
So DJ and I went for dinner. Looks-wise, not my usual type but after a hairy slug, the only way is up really! Very clever, very funny... let's see what happens...
It wasn't a wirlwind of passion and fire, and in fact it was probably another several weeks before I saw him again. I got drunk in a pub (incidentally where I met the next blog update) and staggered to his place.
When I got there I felt immediately that this wasn't quite right... so in fact I used my drukeness as an excuse for some half-hearted heavy petting to result in goig straight to sleep! I woke up the next morning to a perfectly pleasant man, albeit one who seemed non-plussed when I emerged from his bathroom giggling at a bottle of mouth wash called "retadex!... RETARD-ex!
I saw him once more and got a little further than heavy petting... but not far. unfortunately, though his dental care was an all time high, his personal hygene seemed perhaps not so much. yes, he had a smelly penis!
Case closed and on to the next frog...
Monday 19 April 2010
Rouel (AKA the banker)
Another complicated one, though so much more reason to like him that the Slug. I met him at uni just at the end of a 3 year relationship. We flirted and texted and dated for several months before I eventually went on a date with him. But Rouel. MMM… The first time I saw him, I could not believe a man could actually be that good looking. I knew I was going to have him. So I took my book up to the café he worked in on campus and bumped into him while he was campaigning, and generally made myself noticeable.
This was before the Slug, and at that point, I had never really had a 'casual' relationship. Once we had slept together, I assumed we were caught up in a deep and loving relationship. It became clear to me that this was not the case the night after he had persuaded me to do something a little dirty and I had yelled at him for being late when he was at a party. “I’m not a fucking drop-in centre” I exclaimed (a phrase I was to recycle for many others later). This phone conversation ended the relationship when he responded blandly, “well, that’s the thing, I’m not your boyfriend” and I threw my phone across the room. Now I have to use a hairband to keep the battery in.
He used to climb through my bedroom window to come to see me. He was clever, handsome and very very rich! So rich, in fact, he owned a plane. I knew this, of course waaay before he told me but couldn’t tell him I knew because that would show I had been talking about him to anybody I met. He eventually told me while we were watching Oscar Wilde, and eating crunchy m ‘n’ ms, announcing, “oh you do know I fly don’t you?”
We met up again a month or so after I broke up with the slug. He took me to dinner near his house and charmed the pants off me. Literally! From Christmas to early June, we saw each other every 2 weeks to a month. Every time, I would go round to his, have dinner cooked for me, be charmed to death and have some of the best sex I’ve ever had. The great thing about R was that he never felt the need to stop making me feel good about myself. I don’t think his ego could afford it. His pure narcissism is what made him such fantastic company, but only if I couldn’t allow myself to be emotionally involved.
It ended because of his choice; he just stopped asking me to come round. I never knew why, but I didn’t mind too much. It was what it was.
This was before the Slug, and at that point, I had never really had a 'casual' relationship. Once we had slept together, I assumed we were caught up in a deep and loving relationship. It became clear to me that this was not the case the night after he had persuaded me to do something a little dirty and I had yelled at him for being late when he was at a party. “I’m not a fucking drop-in centre” I exclaimed (a phrase I was to recycle for many others later). This phone conversation ended the relationship when he responded blandly, “well, that’s the thing, I’m not your boyfriend” and I threw my phone across the room. Now I have to use a hairband to keep the battery in.
He used to climb through my bedroom window to come to see me. He was clever, handsome and very very rich! So rich, in fact, he owned a plane. I knew this, of course waaay before he told me but couldn’t tell him I knew because that would show I had been talking about him to anybody I met. He eventually told me while we were watching Oscar Wilde, and eating crunchy m ‘n’ ms, announcing, “oh you do know I fly don’t you?”
We met up again a month or so after I broke up with the slug. He took me to dinner near his house and charmed the pants off me. Literally! From Christmas to early June, we saw each other every 2 weeks to a month. Every time, I would go round to his, have dinner cooked for me, be charmed to death and have some of the best sex I’ve ever had. The great thing about R was that he never felt the need to stop making me feel good about myself. I don’t think his ego could afford it. His pure narcissism is what made him such fantastic company, but only if I couldn’t allow myself to be emotionally involved.
It ended because of his choice; he just stopped asking me to come round. I never knew why, but I didn’t mind too much. It was what it was.
Tuesday 2 February 2010
Rodeny (AKA the Hairy Slug)
Ah! “There’s always one that got away”, my mum comforted me when I was weeping down the phone. Got away? The words were shocking? They were ALLOWED to get away?
The nickname for Rodney, originated from the fact that he was hairy and not that good-looking (perhaps not the most original of names, in fact I lifted it from a Vikram Seth book I was reading at the time of our dating). So why, I hear you cry would you give a man like this the time of the day? Hm. Any of you girls heard of “The Game?” It’s a book. If you are as unbalanced as me; don’t read it. You will never trust a man again. From the way it has been explained to me (I got too angry after reading the list of chapters to read any further) it is when a man makes you feel insecure so you don’t think you are better than him. That is a very crude summary and there is a lot more to it than that. Examples from this one was; an opening line of “that dress makes you look pregnant”; just as I sexily removed my clothes, “when you’re young you think all women will have flat bellies, but you soon get used to it”; and the time when he chose his friend to be partners with in Articulate because she’s cleverer than me. I know, I know. How would I possibly resist a man like that?
As the first man to really leave me a little broken, it took me a ridiculously long time to get over him. When I thought I was, he decided to get back in touch and start a relationship but “take it slow”. Emotionally, of course, not physically. In fact not physically so much so to the point that he lasted on average a total of 2 minutes. Good.
I met up with him before Christmas. I have never been so bored.
The nickname for Rodney, originated from the fact that he was hairy and not that good-looking (perhaps not the most original of names, in fact I lifted it from a Vikram Seth book I was reading at the time of our dating). So why, I hear you cry would you give a man like this the time of the day? Hm. Any of you girls heard of “The Game?” It’s a book. If you are as unbalanced as me; don’t read it. You will never trust a man again. From the way it has been explained to me (I got too angry after reading the list of chapters to read any further) it is when a man makes you feel insecure so you don’t think you are better than him. That is a very crude summary and there is a lot more to it than that. Examples from this one was; an opening line of “that dress makes you look pregnant”; just as I sexily removed my clothes, “when you’re young you think all women will have flat bellies, but you soon get used to it”; and the time when he chose his friend to be partners with in Articulate because she’s cleverer than me. I know, I know. How would I possibly resist a man like that?
As the first man to really leave me a little broken, it took me a ridiculously long time to get over him. When I thought I was, he decided to get back in touch and start a relationship but “take it slow”. Emotionally, of course, not physically. In fact not physically so much so to the point that he lasted on average a total of 2 minutes. Good.
I met up with him before Christmas. I have never been so bored.
Welcome to my Blog
My best friend (who shall be henceforth known as C) once told me that when she was coming of age, she was outraged to discover that a boy had to like you back in order to be your boyfriend. This was one of the first times I understood the impotence of being dumped by someone you weren’t finished with yet.
My friends told me I should start a blog, because the antics I got up to with men made them laugh (probably at rather than with). It’s not necessarily that my life is a drama, but that I make it a drama! Even so, this blog is here for any of you ladies who are feeling tired and fed up of the monotony of rubbish men, just to remind you that it’s not just you.
The next few bogs will be a quick summary of the men I have been through in the past year and a half, since I became single for pretty much the first time. I have omitted some of the less important and interesting ones. (Oh, and names have been changed to protect privacy!)
My friends told me I should start a blog, because the antics I got up to with men made them laugh (probably at rather than with). It’s not necessarily that my life is a drama, but that I make it a drama! Even so, this blog is here for any of you ladies who are feeling tired and fed up of the monotony of rubbish men, just to remind you that it’s not just you.
The next few bogs will be a quick summary of the men I have been through in the past year and a half, since I became single for pretty much the first time. I have omitted some of the less important and interesting ones. (Oh, and names have been changed to protect privacy!)
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